I had started today out good. Kept lying in bed after I woke up. it was very refreshing. Let prince out of the room to get something to eat. Prince kept meowing and staring at me while he stood in front of my room door. I finally got up and visited an old classmates' profile on the computer. I had did the same before when I was wondering how an ex-girlfriend of mine was doing nowadays. From what I could see she has been prosperous these days. I kept seeing her on the metro as I waited for a bus home. She would wait for a ride. I thought of her, people I've met, my life's biggest moments one night I laid awake in bed. I called the recollection "My new picture" to represent a new chapter in my life. I'm trying to grow more consistent in activities like learning Japanese, practicing Nunchaku, and exercising on a constant basis. Each time I start to feel old, I tell myself “my life has just started”. It makes things seem less limited like I’m entering my prime. If things felt narrow it would make me feel sad. Knowing Japanese has been very fun and has proven helpful at my job. Due to my job, I haven’t been attending church for months. I’ve been reading “Tao of Jeet Kune Do” it’s a spectacular read. I haven’t learned any moves but it has changed how I think. For instance a cultural difference stated in the Zen section says “In Buddhism, there is no place for using effort. Just be ordinary and nothing special. Eat your food, move your bowels, pass water and when you’re tired go and lie down. The ignorant will laugh at me, but the wise will understand”. It was kind of difficult to understand it from an American perspective. My friend said Tao was not about “becoming great but being great” and about the journey. I wish to read more about Taoism. Today though I arrived at the metro station 15minutes to when work starts. On the way down the escalator I spotted another girl a had a crush on. I never talked to her like I hoped. I’ll nickname her Megane. Megane was first another man’s girl so I didn’t care much for her. Sometime from then I heard Megane was single which was cool because she was good looking. However at that time I didn’t feel right within myself. I seriously doubted my ability to satisfy a woman, protect her or myself, and if I was someone she desired. I felt fearful to speak to women because I thought I would mess things up. Megane has a boyfriend now not that I care but I lamented about this as I boarded the train to work. For what did or did not happen I am becoming someone will not make the same mistakes at that time. By learning more, working, and exercising I hope to solve the major problems which plagued me most. Unfortunately it took another similar occurrence that drove me to my lowest to change to where I am now. Being like that is not what I envisioned in my future. I remember thinking the same phrase again on several occasions. First when I was drinking with a friend looking up at the night sky. The second time was walking home with my best friend. Another time I outside dancing in the front yard. “This is how I spend my youth”.
