Yesterday I saw a woman standing alone on a pier. It started off nicely, a way of seeing the world outside myself. Last week was very stressful and I saw a side of myself I didn’t expect.
I had a conversation with an old friend about past relationships. We were at a restaurant catching up on old times. She told me how her boyfriend recently left her. I asked her how does it feel to lose your virginity to someone you love. She said “it feels as if you’re one with that person. He left me but I can still feel his touch and how he use to hold me.” After hearing that I felt devoid. I couldn’t compare or comprehend the emotion of which she spoke. The form of intimacy where my lover and I evolve into something more. The more I thought on it the more fearful I became of saying I was a jilted lover whose memories are fading over time. A few days after meeting her, those thoughts kept plaguing my mind till I couldn’t keep my usual attitude. At home I sat silently to collect myself near my computer desk. The impulsive urge to strike the computer speaker kept adrenaline running. Never before has this happened to me. The whole ordeal caught me off guard and I was feeling exhausted. Suddenly! my mind went blank from burnout. The impulse took its chance to unleash the rage surging in my veins and in an instant I was standing up looking at the ground. As I stood I kept hearing a thud sound near the computer. My left elbow arched and hand near my pocket. I stood on my left foot and pressing on my right toes. My right arm looked as if it was coming out of a jab into a straight punch. I stayed there motionless. I had regained the ability to think but I didn’t know what to do next. With a ration of aggression in my hand I punched the closest door. The speaker was dangling centimeters from the floor. A cord connecting it to an identical speaker was pulled latching onto the monitor’s neck and base. Finally I rearranged the computer speakers, pushed the computer chair away, and sat on the floor. That day I couldn’t name my vices, but I knew they were with me.
To find another obsession to occupy my time or see a woman of magnificent beauty would be a perk of such a good spring day. On many levels she interested me. I sat on the benches near the volleyball courts. It was a familiar scenery yet relaxing as I recognized a lot of buildings. I departed early in the morning to the bus stop. Sitting down on the black metal bench, waited while listening to music. She stood still wearing a light colored dress with designs scattered throughout. She appeared unsettled which was unclear to me. I had began thinking of reasons why she would be out here. A compelling force was pulling on my curiosity. After waiting on the bus stop a bus came. I boarded the bus, swiped my pass, and found a seat. The bus route goes to the train station from there I would board a train to Garten Pavolon waterfront. Was she waiting for her husband? If he was a sailor out at sea who left her home alone I can understand. Or a close relative coming from a foreign country? Is she continuously throwing spare change into the bay to make wishes? The bus arrived at the station entrance and halted as people left the seats towards the building. I quickly entered the building, swiped my pass, and go on the escalator to the second floor where the train tracks are. As I found an open space in the middle of the platform and kneeled down. What is there to wait for all alone? If she was mine, she would the lighthouse that guides me home. A guiding light for my ship as it returns after a long voyage. The waves will tear away at the shore, winds will howl and frighten, but she stands unshaken. A strong woman yet jumps into my arms when I walk through the front door of our house. I’ll hold her close to my heart. I am her shield. The train heading to Garten Pavolon comes and I get on. Inside its like being in a camera with the windows as lens on a horizontal angle. The environment outside was just still pictures that speed up then slow down. However adventure might be, I would rather be a houseman. Get up for work, clock in and clock out, then come home to my wife and meal. The simple life at best. Hahaha! But my life is a bittersweet fruit so these thoughts can be my building blocks for tomorrow. After a few stops I arrived at Garten Pavolon station. I exited the train and ran to the elevator before the door closes. On the first floor I swiped my pass then left out to the street. I walked and thought of a place to observe a lot of people. So I walked a couple blocks south until the sidewalks turned into sand. I climbed to the 5th row of seats on the bleachers and sat undisturbed. The lady on the pier waits patiently. An undeniable presence of admiration and gorgeous profile. What or who she is waiting for I don't know, but I can squeeze my feet into her shoes. By doing this she inspires me. I wish to give her hope. I want to know her and end her search. To be the one she desires above all. So I’ll wait beside her until our wishes come true.
