Vacant Entries #1

 To celebrate completing my history final, I thought I would eat and get a bottle of alcohol for dinner. The delicious aroma of food set before me. I stuff stomach more to fill in the spaces to stop my careless unconscious thoughts that tug me away from this splendid evening. I would cast the spirits out of this aluminum can inside me. Surely the spirits will be smothered in my glutinous belly. My words cut and construct where I see fit. I tried not to offend anyone but if I did I have the best excuse. Memories slips away as if they were washed down the drain. In the aftermath I'll be running laps back and forth to the bathroom. The fatigue will leave me bedridden with symptoms like dehydration and lag. Alcohol, nectar of the gods!
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It's funny how I want a song to satisfy this insatiable feeling. The perfect words to describe this yeaning in a way it feels complete. A satisfaction if I had what my heart desired. Writing this eased my waning heart, but there will be a night when I feel this again. Even so I wait faithfully.
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I felt younger when I was fully in tune with my music. I remembered who I was like back then. I was bilingual, expressive, a dreamer, an underdog who tasted a sample of what the world had to offer. I believe that was my desire from the dream I had last night. The face from a peaceful time brought me back to a simpler, happier place. I had the love of and for my good friends. I wasn't ashamed to learn or sing in Japanese. I could see myself in different places. The world was as vast as my imagination. I could even create a world!! Things won't stay the same, but I'm glad I remembered my dreaming heart.

The Spirits Bottled Up

On a night of untold occurrences, I orchestrate a plan that unites people both known and unknown of each other. I set out to find find fun and await the choice of trick or treat. The trick that I find an easy lover to be snared by their wonders and evils harbored. Or a treat that satisfies the heart from ungodly fears and safely carried into tomorrow. I do not know which path I should take, yet if allowed there be another. One where I tread the fine line and see a different resolution. Where life is rather a multi-sided dye not a two-sided coin. I wished for this as I walked among the spirits.

The Extinguished Festival

From the northern hills to the glimmering southern piers. I have tirelessly tread with little fuss. For the hustle of folks, the multiplying coins in my wallet, and sight of eloquent women. I am not one to argue. Yet the swift passing of days has left me in lament. A scar that shall not leave for seasons. The touch of a cascading sun. The skies open and stars reach forth. The fleeting warmth of a saturated breeze. The ending of Summer unlike another, but recurring just the same. What does the forecast say for me? Will I tread lightly as I walk? Will the clouds be merry? Will you stay longer? Tell Autumn to wait at the door I am not ready for change. If words nor hand can stop you then I only ask this. How will you leave? Any parting words to console my heart? Will there be a stage for your finale? Will the flowers graciously bloom, insects echo at noon, and birds sing a lullaby to soothe my grieving heart? Send word of your return as the days and night shall pile below my eyes. Seasons cast in the safety of my shack. I’ll sit aside the window waiting for your return.

Bare Cellar doors

A collection of thoughts written down I believe are fit to share. Please enjoy at your leisure. These pieces are important to me. Hope as I do everytime someone understands.

"Leaving the Farm"

I will miss this house, my home. It was unlike any other. A museum of artifacts, a storehouse of precious memories. The epitome of it's greatness through it's aged walls. These walls have been like blanket to my cheeks snuggling to it's familiar touch. To see it wain in such stature is heartbreaking. So I cry in solitude and guilt. This isn't how I wanted to leave. This wasn't what I wanted.

"An Emboldened Luster"

As I stare at the candle once lit with passion, I think of the person I shared it with or for. Years after the old flame withers I wonder if it will burn again. In the middle of the night, while strolling in the park, or on a bright Sunday morning. Will it spark if the wind blows on it's melted wax? If I keep it at my bedside will I see you in a dream? Does it decay if not discarded? Is it better to live without it? That comes to mind every time I question second chances or meetings. I want to believe it burned as a lantern through the turbulent times. After it's life ceased it became a landmark of where I had been.

"Coorbital Blues"

I looked to the stars to send a message. As if they could tell you my words. I stared at the moon burning it's brilliance into my soul. I wondered if it saw you walking home as it slips under the horizon. The heavens as glamourous, unyielding fixtures to love. Unanswered questions that deepen my obsession with no truth to be found. Free me from your celestial lure I plead. I feel hooked on a line without a hand in sight. A hand that shall give reason for my spirit that drifts desiring greater. I brood over you with undying passion. "Where will you lead me?" Your so suave I doubt my tongue for saying such. Yet still you shall be there, as I will follow loyally.

A Vagabond’s compass

Dear friend,     
     I sat in a restaurant easy dropping on a native’s conversation with a half eaten sandwich, a bowel of soup, and a glass of water placed before me. The waiters dash from table to table taking orders. There was a gorgeous woman whose hair laid down her back. So many strands of luxurious hair I would spend a night counting. Better to kiss her sleeping face and leave than to hear her voice echo across the seas. Anymore then she’ll anchor my feet.      
     A broadcast intercepted the daily sports program to announce an emergency storm warning. The storm will hit the shores within a day’s notice. People were advised to evacuate to the public shelter. Amiss the panic, the restaurant owner beckoned for able-bodied men to help board up the store. The customers threw their money on the table to leave in haste. The owners gloomy eyes fell upon me as I searched my pockets for cash. He wagered to any man left to help their meal would be free.            
     Excitement swept through me as I marveled such an opportunity. Bizarre but, it felt like being drafted! Like the owner would toss me a helmet to pile sandbags in a torrential downpour. In the heat of action I’m brazen like a real man! We’d nail boards to the doors and strengthen the front line. The howling squall, grass kneeling in defeat, twigs and foliage scattered like shrapnel. If the shelter yields, the citizens must take refuge in the Virvel stormtower.     
     However, that’s just my over imagination. While working I felt quite worried transportation would halt longer than expected. Lately feeling captive in one place vexes me. Earlier the docks was breathtaking as the world stretched beyond the horizon. Later that day I returned to my hotel room to pack. I felt inclined to write a letter if you worried about me. I’ve seen great things on my voyage. Each time I leap the sky carelessly guides me to foreign lands. I would love to visit you, perch upon the lawn and chatter of such glory. For now I can give this letter. Until we meet again, may the winds be at your back.

 Sincerely,
        Audiere

Discharge papers for Room 8

I thank the Lord God for my well-being today. I am not wounded or in a critical condition. I ended up in a safe place. A hospital. I was downtrodden by my foolish actions and so was my family. My immaturity won't be tolerated especially if I do that again. I do no want there to be a second time like this. But I greatly wonder who got me to the hospital, where did I go, who saved me? I proclaim the Lord God and Jesus Christ did. In coordination with the Holy Spirit, they lead me back from where my imprudent footsteps diverted. Young and foolish it is wrong to be, yet it will help the younger generation to learn and properly avoid such decisions. I want to teach my children that. I want my son to follow my instruction unlike I did to my father. To know Christianty as well.

An old flame tethers

I can hear you speaking amongst the background.
A sound I've heard before yet hard to ignore.
A voice that sends ballerinas spinning through room.
An impromptu ballet.
Audience of one dying to satisfy my heart.
My empty heart wanting more.
Reluctant to say you've graced me with such a privilege so I was at the right place, right time.
The hairs on my arm straighten, my ears adjust to hear you clearer, my mind jumps from the paper to visions of your profile.
Do I still want you?
Is it that I can only adorn you with such affection when you are not mine's?
Perhaps there is more left to be known.
Maybe I am over you.
If until today our relationship sustained us, we would be so much more.
The roles our feet fill, days be different, the mouths to feed.
A house whose bricks shall be painted with our memories, words, and photos.
It would be a spectacular museum!!
Like that house I'll carry you deeper into my soul.
You'll know me greater than any man, gained tolerance of my various ways.
You'll be "the one" for me legend had spoken when I was born.
For all that you are not, yet a person whom I cannot call stranger.

Neither my clementine as you once were.