Possibilities and Proximity

In recurring themes, 
a slice of life story,
an afternoon drama.
Life continues on without stopping.
An important part of my life 
is mirrored by actors on a stage.
They don't know me or what will,
has, or yet to come in my life.
It's the similarities overlapping.
Bonds that grow and wither.
The many abstract and concrete ideals
too easily cease without knowing. 
At times I wonder who is still untainted
after being bathed in an hourglass.  
In between many paths and feelings
I search for a direction or meaning.
Regrets, forgotten promises, precious things.
Such introspection has a bittersweet taste.
When I think back deeply it 
brings tears to my eyes, even more
painful if I can not find the words 
to express myself. 
I wonder what’s out there. 
What's beyond the horizon? 
Whatever it may be will bring forth my 
future. 
I’ll know its answer when it sets
behind stretching my shadow. 
Your presence will become an undying legend.
As I pass by others your place will 
be fixated overhead. So when I lay down, 
fainting, or dream you will be 
the lightning reaching down from the heavens.
Dearest, you are that and more. 

Tonight’s the night for a Cowboy

The atmosphere was thick, unmistakably the the scent of merry flirtatious couples. The fragrance made by lips lubricated by a tongue was the spark to a fuse.  With each intimate embrace I could predict where this was going. They were like two  intertwined hands, every movement brought them closer, caressing the other’s flesh with a soft touch.  As the atmosphere got more humid, they would glide and grab for more than just the boney fingers.  As the intimate motions elevated and the sitting furniture could not contain them I knew my time here was done.  I realized there is nothing here for me, nothing to gain.  Is there a place for he who has not been given roses?  I gathered  my coat and belongings in silence. I was the unneeded spare tire, outcast, and background character.  If I stay, I would be the anchor blocking them from achieving further goals.  That would ruin my reputation of which I wouldn’t want against me.  The audience did not have eyes for me.  My solitaire seat at the card table pressing buttons on a laptop.  I walked to the front door, peeked through the blinds.  It was raining or drizzling I couldn’t tell.  I stepped to the door and turned the knob.  I thought “Tonight’s the night for a Cowboy”.  I thought it was really cool, like the words of a leader rallying supporters.  I was the lone wolf out to make a change. Power in struggling legs that crack and give under pressure.  Raise with the strenght of a thousand men.  I only had the ambition of embracing in my loneliness, the sensation of crunching deeply into a fruit gushing with flavor with the juices dripping down my neck.  I exited and left into the night,deserted night life of flashing cars. I crossed the rainy streets towards home. The pavement swallowed all it could, the open mouth drains gobbling more, water inches deep slide across my path. I finally got to a side street void of passing cars. I pulled out a bottle of liquor I stashed away. I twisted off the cap, seductively licked the rim. I putt the bottle to my lips and drank feeling proud, lost, unsure, and confused.  My victory was minor I haven’t conquered  the main problem.  I’ve grown but limited, I’m still facing something that causes me downfall.  Am I in control or falling under? Is it normal to feel like this?  Am I developing into success?  I pondered many thoughts walking in a rectangular pattern between two puddles.   Who am I becoming?  It’s just my time…to feel the blues.

Quotes 3

"You might think we will reign over everything with OZ's many Mobile Suits. To rule is to control. It might seem arrogant. However, I think that we 
need a government to control our human greed. God left humanity to itself. Humanity needs a man beyond God. Even God couldn't predict that we can 
never stop warring among ourselves. So, it will be understood by God that our actions are right." 
(Treize Khushrenada from Gundam Wing)


"All men…are NOT created equal! Some are born smarter, or more beautiful, or with parents of greater status. Some, by contrast, are born weak of body or mind, or with few, if any, talents. All men are different! Yes, the very existence of man is discriminatory! That's why there is war, violence and unrest. Inequality is not evil. Equality is! What became of the EU, who claimed that all are equal? It is in constant conflict because its tenets go against human nature! The Middle Eastern Federation, which harbors similar sentiments, is constantly mired with sloths! But our Britannia is not like them! We put an end to wars and evolve with every conquest! Britannia alone looks forward and moves forward to a better future! The death of my son Clovis is yet more proof that our empire is evolving. Fight! For the future rests in the hands of its ruler! ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!!!!!" (Emperor Charles di Brittania)


"Possibly humans can exist without actually having to fight. But, many of us have chosen to fight. For what reason? To protect something? Protect what? Ourselves? The future? If we kill people to protect ourselves and this future then what sort of future is it and what will we have become? There is no future for those who have died. And what of those who did the killing? Is happiness to be found in a future that is grasped with blood stained hands? Is that the truth?."
Lacus Clyne (Gundam SEED)


"Wake up! Don't be afraid of knowledge! Humans who lose the capacity to think become creatures whose existance has no value. Think, you humans who are split into two worlds... unless you want the gulf between humans to expand into oblivion, you must Think!."
Schwarzwald (The Big O)


"People like us aren't qualified to be involved in a dramatic incident such as a suicide. No matter how depressed you are or how much pain you're in, you have to return to your routine, daily life. Even if you don't come back, you'll just end up dying in vain. A dramatic death isn't befitting of us."
Yamazaki Kaoru (Welcome to the N.H.K. )


"I like not only to be loved, but to be told I am loved."
~George Eliot


"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning."
~ Louis L'Amour


"Two terms that fascinated me during this period were "casual" and "once in a life time." The idea of having someone occupy a deep, significant part of our memory, but never being able to see them again...Once I began thinking about this, I became absorbed in a kind of sorrow and hopelessness that I couldn't find the words to express."
Shinji Kajio


"Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. 
Catwoman: But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it."
~Batman Returns


"Lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek...
There's nobody here, it's just you and me, it's where I wanna be...
But I hardly know this beauty by my side...
I'll never forget, the way you look tonight..."


Mattias of IdolRetouch

Mode of Mutter

"Alcohol tastes sweet. Crushed cherries, honey, fermented plants, yeast mixed with a ladle. Too welcoming and inviting she is. Sweat, syrup on her skin. Aroused in wide eyes, pull her closer. Closer to me I shall drink her tears. Her body shall give birth to my legacy. Intertwined in feminine hair bonds grow thick. Her oily body silently slips into mine embrace. Fairest deliver a new born unto the moon. Lost memories I search for today."

 

-note-

This is a test run of my ability. I may have reawakened my ability to to put thoughts on paper. It came out minor but I expanded on it. I have been feeling somewhat of a writer’s block and unable to express properly what I wanted to for some time. It was very frustrating.

Rations of Warmth

A few days back I felt bad. I went to a friend's school to hangout with friends. Everything was okay, I guess it was the implied or underlying elements I didn't catch that made me sad after leaving. After getting off the bus the cold walk in the wind was horrible. I felt cold in a jacket not fit for such weather.I got to my mom's place, put my stuff down on the coach, locked the doors. I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I moved and took stuff out, I wanted the Moscato in the back. I put the alcohol on the counter moved what I could back into the refrigerator and grabbed a cup from the cabinet shelf. Opened the refrigerator and took the juice drink out and on the counter as well. I poured half Moscato and Juice drink in a glass cup, rearranged them back in the refrigerator, closed it and walked into the living room. I put the glass on the wooden table. I took out my DSi and logged onto the internet. I surfed a couple sites I lost connection touch with since my connection at home was lost. I moved my stylus between my index and middle fingers. Lowered my DSi and picked up my glass. I began to sip and taste the mixture. "Oh if sin is evil why are you so sweet? I want to stay in sin a little longer if you'll keep me company. Stay until my hands aren't dirty enough they can't be cleansed". I lifted the DSi closer to my eyes and continued exploring different pages. The room was dim with light from the hallway stretched in. I felt cool, of course I was! I totally had this loner, laid back posture with a good drink in hand. I was set for poetic one liners I might never write down. "I want to see you hold onto hope again with your clenched fist as you fought for something to believe in. The struggle brought forth tears that fell spreading out like pebbles on the road. I loved the figure you held, such vigor and defiance against the odds. But now I wonder what? What has become of you? You mellowed out to a bland color. I do not see the passion you once commanded". My stylus felt like a cigarette. I wanted to act on the motions as if it was, but if I did I feared something worse would come of it. So I did not and took the final gulps of liquor. I put the glass back on the wooden table, turned off my DSi, put the stylus back in its slot. Got up with my cup and put it in the kitchen sink. I went back out into the hallway closet to find something warm. I searched through the coats and found a denser fabric than my jacket. I put it on, pack up my bag and leave out.Shortly after arriving at the bus stop, my bus came on time. After sometime I felt better when getting off at my stop. Was it induced or intentional euphoria? I don't know, but the night seemed comfortable if nothing else.

Quotes 2

"I want to break up while i can still say i love you."

Shindou Chihiro (Ef: A Tale of Memories)

"Because she learned about happiness, she feels lonely for the first time. And because she knows unhappiness, she understands happiness for the first time."

(Ef: A Tale of Memories)

"Know much about purgatory? It's the world we live in now, and Halloween is the day a damned soul in purgatory can be released into heaven, if he prays hard enough. Say your prayers."

Vincent Volaju (Cowboy Bebop: The Movie)

"If there is a god in this world, I'd like to ask one wish. Devine retribution to all those who take freedom away."

Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

"I was younger then, I wasn’t afraid of anything, I didn’t think about dying for a second. I thought I was invincible. Then I met some girl. I wanted to live, I started to think like that; for the first time I was afraid of death. I had never felt like that before."

Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

"Do you know what the greatest and worst invention that humans ever made was? Television. Television controls people using information and steals their sense of reality. Yes. Now television itself is a religion."

Dr Londes (Cowboy Bebop)

"He told me...that which is incomplete seeks completion...yet...that which is incomplete is no better than that which is complete. Do you understand?"

Argentine (D.N.Angel)

"When something is gained, something is always lost. It is impossible to live without facing that fact. What is lost will never return. Important things. Irreplaceable things. The things necessary to protect those things. The firm determination packed into a bullet. Man knows... knows that nothing will begin unless he speaks. That nothing will change unless he moves."

(Cowboy Bebop)

"That time, were you also lonely?

Thinking of my small self, I can't sleep today either

If we could at least meet in dreams..."

(Hajimari no Hi, Minawo)

‎"Relationship is understanding. It is a process of self-revelation. Relationship is the mirror in which you discover yourself-to be is to be related."

-Bruce Lee-

"There are people in this world who enjoy being alone. But there isn't a single person who can bear solitude."

(Fairy Tail)

The Horizon Liquefies

Without cooling the fireflies in the air flutter and swirl. In need they return me to a place of peace. Void of animated life, an open view in which I wondered what was there. Somehow this will become common, here I live its pleasurable. The sky and sea become like intertwined fingers. The skies ripple with each wave of my hands. Swiftly, I caught a couple of fireflies flying about into my hands. Ran into the water until it reached my chest. I put my hands in the water and quickly opened them. The fireflies kept still and weary of the new environment. Gently I pushed the current under their wings and watched them scatter in separate directions. I can't look away from the eyes that arose from the watery depths. Pulling at me with unwavering attraction, selfishly demanding all attention. I can't look away from my reflection. Who could love me more than I? Paralysis of will to move or speak. Is that really me? Is this the way I've been all along? What will become of me from here on? The fireflies lift me out of the water and levitate me over the waters surface. Looking at the image this way, it doesn't feel so shallow, theres a great depth to be explored. It's disguising the iceberg hidden in the pitch black night. I drift above the firefly net and head back to the shore. I looked around for a place to make camp. I dug a place in the sand, arranged the leaves, folded clothes as a pillow. I laid down and positioned myself for sleep. A lonely cat approached me steadily appearing from the bushes. I looked and extended my open hand towards it. For a long time we stayed like this, the cat stood cautious of my fatigued stretching arm. "It's hard to bring a conclusion to something we haven't even started, yet giving up halfway leaves regretful thoughts" I said. "So I'll try without defeating myself before it starts and reach out to you" I said to the cat. "With you in my eyes I know what I should do. I'll make a foundation upon which I'll begin my travels. Jumping from moon to moon, a star as my campfire, packing dust into black holes. Of all this I won't forget you, you'll be my safe-haven among disorder. So little I know about you leaving room for questions and discovery" I said while blabbering words. I withdrew my arm and rolled over on my belly the cat's eyes gazed into mine. A fascinating cat it was, the sky was refracted and focused in it's pupils. "Truthfully"as I whispered ,"I cannot journey for right now I lack tools that will advance me in your direction. Who I am or will be one day I want you to know". My consciousness began to fade, the cat sat still. The sand was dazzling under a waning crescent.