In that time

Hands that can be torn apart

by the jealousy of another.

The memories that dim never fade.

A hope that keeps the heart alive.

As I constant the usual places

we were I thought of her tenderly.

Days shall past and I think of

when you stood before me.

Months climb upon another

so I wonder where you are.

Years idly turn and I wonder who you are.

If she still remembers me.

Does she remember my body, my love?

Such soft lips imprinted on my heart.

She doesn't know I love her still.

I wonder if I can love another.

Blue signs and Benches

Perhaps now is not the time
to adore your fashion sense.
It's time to catch a bus.
When my own feet can't get
me to the destination.
There maybe a song,
interpersonal conversation,
or moral to be learned.
Especially around the benches
were people gather and silently
wait there might be a person
with whom I can talk to.
Opening conversation for
a one minute at a time.
I'll nonchalantly listen to your
conversation or interject politely
when I see fit.
A person might ask me a question in
which I will answer honestly,
yet I'll ask myself did I appear warm,
welcoming to you?
What stood out to you about me to approach me?
Talking to you I feel I've crossed a border.
Anyway I'll be watching time move around me
and fate operating on an untouchable plane.
Yes! A chance to go farther than these
wooden legs can offer.
However you'll be jaded if you believe
it'll be here on its printed time,
but hope nonetheless that it'll arrive.

Maeve

For however long we have, 

I wish we can be young and foolish.

Before we forget who we were or

dreams we reached for.

I look around and feel aged in my bones.

Yet not so long ago I too felt all

the joys youth could give.

Back then I thought I could be someone's Prince.

The world was bigger than me.

That was when I met you.

So let there be happiness

before it too is forgotten.

A transient gesture

Let's say it is still winter.

It gives reason to be true blue.

An excuse to warm up to those

darn feelings that clothe just right.

Fall off my feet, softly sleeping at noon,

and being fed soup in bed.

To call the name of a affectionate person

isn't bad at all.

My bones are feeling cold I want someone

to help me warm up.

We are snowed in babe so stay for awhile.

I’m freezing in the harsh winds.

I’m lost in condensation that camouflages

with this delicate scenery.

This season could there be a me without you?

Let’s play a slow song as we warm up near the fireplace.

If you leave the fireplace will be too hot for me alone.

My lips will crack becoming ugly and painful to touch.

Would you please stay longer?

At my side until the end.

A Table for Two

I was too quick to forget that there are also men who dream of becoming great fathers, finding love, and providing for a family. We gathered in a car outside a fast food restaurant and talked. We asked each other questions about love, preferences, and women. I'm happy to know that I'm not really mysterious just that there is more to be said because I usually don't talk about myself. I can't remember exactly but one guy said that if we are able to continuously persevere and love our girlfriend in the hard times then you have been in love. Perhaps I didn’t women who are preparing their wombs for love and birth. Who desire a family just as much or more than a man. When I meet a woman I take interest in I think of what I could offer her besides love and affection. It’s a bad habit. For now a father I cannot be. I’ll need to dig deep and stack bricks before I sow any seeds. According to him I believe I have experienced love in my turbulent high school days. Short story was that I did something's I shouldn't have done but my heart always desired her above all. The fondest memory I have of her is when school was ending for winter break. I practiced lines to say to her a lot especially since I stutter. When I finally got the chance she was in the main lobby standing with her friends. I asked to talk to her, she agreed to let me speak, and I began talking. For some reason I closed my eyes and started speaking whatever came to mind. A lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication created a wedge between us and we weren't as close as before. I don't know how long I was talking but when I opened my eyes she looked surprised and probably didn't expect it. In 2010 I felt like I had forgiven her and myself, so I wrote something on her birthday. I don't think I'll send it to her, it's more of closure to the past. I did it all for love there's nothing shameful about it. Today, I am my own. All the fear, boredom, happiness, fun I experience it is all mine. Pros/Cons it may have, I grow unsure of where this boat is going. My biggest fear is that I haven't been able to resolve my regret about her. Again a nickname is appropriate so I'll call her Sarah. To a night I fell asleep with her on my mind. If only I could meet you in my dreams I would tell you everything. I could forgive myself.

Last night I laid down in bed. I still regret not being able to tell how I felt at that time. I imagined somehow that the class was cleared in the middle for only chairs for students to sit in. We sat in a circle discussing the movie shown to us in class. Before class dismisses the professor tells everyone to put the chairs with the desks against the walls of the room.  I quickly threw my books to the ground and kicked the chair away. I rushed over to Sarah and grasped her hand before she could leave. Sarah turned around surprised at me, I let of her hand and quickly regained my posture. I stood and said “Can you stay after class? There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you though normally I couldn’t”. The professor plays a slow song and images show on the overhead projector. “I thought this would help set the mood. You have five minutes until the next class comes in. This is all I can do”. The professor picks up his briefcase and walks outside the classroom. I looked Sarah in her eyes and told her;

There’s a lot I want to tell you. I don’t know how much time I have, yet I want you to know this much. My name is Richard Brahms. I have a crush on you. Before I didn’t the confidence to tell you sooner. I would like to know if your single and if so can I get to know you better? For example, How old are you? What do you like? What do you want to do in life? There just basic things I want to know about. I want to know who you are, how you were as a kid, who you want to be in the future. Maybe we could take a walk around campus and talk. Casually meeting when we have time. On such a beautiful day it would be nice to see your smiling face. It would be like an afternoon in Paris. There things about myself I would like to tell you as well.

It would have been great if we were both single but I never found out. With what little time I would try my best to appeal to her. Making my words sound good and have a fork in the road ending. Either she decides she wants me or not. It’s just another time my insecurities got the better of me. How much I was holding myself back from achieving something. My chest’s simmering heat against the bed sheets, lying close to the edge of the bed. It’s clearer now the reason why things turned out as they are. Of what becomes of myself and she who shall sit beside me I wait, and wait…

The Path along the River

I stood idle and unaware
of what was around me.
I thought of what I would do
if I was still my former self.
A series of inner shifts I can
count around six total.
Seems pretty stable for the
seventeen years of life I can recall.
But I never planned for such
at all.
To change my direction in life
was not the goal.
I wonder where or who I will
be in the next twenty-two years.
A great many things I know.
"Follow the straight and
narrow rivers.
They will provide you water and
meat to eat.
Follow the words of your parents
and your days shall be plenty".
Yet, there are days I don't want
my mother's hugs and a want for my own
strength.
To climb atop a high rock and
show off my chest hair.
To live with the wolves and go against
their teachings.
To fall, escape, and live for me.
But I cannot afford to live foolishly now.
The rapids downstream are unruly,
the forest yields no exits.
Will I reach the height of my ability
before I fall into decline?
Will there be something left for
others or nothing at all?
Will my fellowship scatter to the winds or
beheld tightly to my chest?
The answers are never clear.
I remember "rivers into lakes and
lakes into oceans".
Something big is being created from
the small deeds.
From each stage in life there is more to
live for and see.
How or when I get there is unknown but
its just a matter of time.

Where are we?

Since chocolate truffles fall,
there will be something sweet to eat.
A warm shoulder to lean on.
A piece of hope in terrible times
made especially for you.
However for me, its been
over a year since
I planned my leave, but
I haven't set out a route or
destination in which Aurelia
will be waiting for me.
I could say:
Who is Aurelia?
Where is Aurelia, What do I
do from here on Aurelia?
I need your help.
I want you.
I wonder if I'm being selfish.
Something is interfering
after I sent the last letter.
I wish I was someone else.
I wish I was somewhere else.
Searching for the love of one
across a multicolored globe.
I fear we will become the past
and nothing more.
Today the snow fell early
and I was bathed in cold light.
As I sit, I remember the day
I watched the sunset.
I just stood and watched
as the shadows were
stretching across the street.
One more time, one more chance
I swear I'll get it right!
Let me get back on my feet.
I'll make it one day.
I'll try my hardest
to smile and remember
the words you told me.