The ending credits were touching!

(12/31)  

I couldn’t get a congested feeling out of my throat. The egg nog I drank was bad tasting. I made soup and a side of chips for breakfast. Tea to wash it down. I kept listening to music and playing a game on my phone. I rejoice at the sound of trash trucks outside. The plastic was set outside earlier. In the mood for something new so I moved to the bathroom and dimmed the lights. It’s a great time to sit in the bathroom. I swear, I’m totally sober hahaha! The litter box was a nice touch. The cat was coughing up a hairball so I tossed him in the tub. I sat listening to music. I wondered if there was someone I wanted to think of. It’ll be like a shootout on a radio. No one would know so it wouldn’t be impressive. No one to enjoy it. I’d preferred this would be a poem if I tried, yet it’s better as jotted thoughts. I’m still practicing Japanese. Gotten rusty and I miss talking to people in Japanese. These moments countdown the end of 2012. Subjectively it’s sad yet wonderful. A new year, expectations, actions, thoughts built up for all the possibilities. Perhaps it is now where introspection is at it’s greatest height.

Later on in the day a couple of friends came over. I killed the mood with a movie set during WW2. I took a shower and waited for another who arrived late. Moscow doesn’t believe in tears comrade! So our moral was raised when we watched a martial arts movie. We headed out and boarded a bus to the station. A bad decision lead us waiting in the cold. We walked to a restaurant after a long frigid tread. The service and alcohol were bad, a decent server. The countdown hit zero as we walked away from a liquor store. I messaged my family and told them “Happy New Year!”.

(1/1)  

The next day I took part in a group outing. The friend dynamic has weakened. After all the bickering we road home in a mute car. Surely drama couldn’t keep silent and the phones kept ringing. Let’s purge this so it can be the last day. We aren’t seventeen forever.

stray, err

I just left. It felt like the right thing to do. There were no obligations to be kept. Took up my hat, coat and breezed out the door. I left my friends, kin without word. My friends we depart yet again our paths shall cross with meaning. A place better than here to go it seems. There could be something to rejoice about I thought. I'd like to say I suffered while you were away. Tell you where I went and how mischievous and adventurous it was. My path has lead me to places where I walked among commoners of all sorts. My feet marching forward like I was on a mission. Yet at times I would be taken by a strolling damsel. When I rested my feet I laid in disbelief. I judged the worth of my choices thus far. The train's rolling stones under its tires as it pushes along the tracks. Stones that never stay still. Only breaks to gasp for air. I looked through the newspaper for a fairly blank section. I tore it off, wrote down the name of the station, and number of Suns I've seen. I had missed those who loved me. I'd like to believe I'm a piece who can drift freely from the mold. I'd like to believe I can find a home. 

The Glamour of High School

I don't regret my decision this time. Opportunities cost something yet, somethings aren't given equally.
            I sat here and imagined tangled in the lights of trees and blissful glaring bulbs, I imagined two lonely people. A guy sat alone and stupor. A woman approached and held his hand. The lights didn't shine brighter. There were no smiles to beheld. They stood silently hand in hand. They were only shadows in the marvelous floodlights unwavering in the night. Were they unable to move? Move closer? Take a step as together as one? If there's an aesthetic wonder placed in this frame it would be them. To stand enamored with someone I can love. That's all I could see in the distance.

I asked God for strength..for next time. I gave up when it was time, I did all I could.

On fresh dew…

I thanked September for it's days as I slipped the bus pass in a trash can. I kept

walking, speeding up my steps to the ascending escalator. I worked hard today,no one can say differently. The pain from my knees to my feet still throbbing. The wind coming from underground got stronger as I got to the top. I began to think deeply as I stood on the rising escalator. I thought of saying "Thank you  to September for the days I spent with you. It seems I've arrived at this day just to see you leave. We've had a good run. Unfortunately, October is here and our time together is gone. You'll come back next year I know, yet it won't be the same. It seems our days aren't repeating only pushed along a line." As I thought the wind was blowing against me as if there was a huge fan in front of me. Even my hair had risen off my neck and face, for it was floating in the air. Finally, I got to the top and everything had calmed down. I looked in search of my bus, ran to it, and boarded for a ride home. In some strange way I felt I had come to terms with something in myself.

Wir tanzen nicht

I surprisingly saw my ex today.
It was a rude appearance into a
present conversation I had with another.
I can't say I hated it.
It felt weird seeing her face again as
she was ushered in by another man.
I quieted my voice and moved to the
other side of the room.
There was a seemingly synched glance
into each other's eyes which made me pout.
So I sat in a chair and starting reading
a book to shake off the uneasiness.
I admit there were days when I
desperately wanted her back just so
that I could feel loved.
A little affection to calm my heart.
In more ways than one I don't have
the key to that door, nor is
it worth trying.
If there's any consolation prize I'd prefer
to say it was when she smiled best in
my arms as her youth started blooming.
If we shared anything now besides the past
it would be that our hair has lengthened.

Jon's note

Miss, if there was a time I could bridge the distance between us I'd attempt to love you even in my insecurities. To fight through the negative thoughts. To give it my all and tell you how I feel about you. I set you on my heart last night as someone I must know more about. Yesterday all I could do was stare into your eyes, but today I want to talk with you. To know if your someone I can call lover. My sadness which laid quietly over my daily life. Pushing myself to break and tell the truth. The frustration that lead me to wrecking my room before leaving for work. The days I drive myself into discontent and I'm sleeping on a cold bathroom floor, I know'll you be there to help. I remember my shortcomings and things I must achieve. The long gaze at a woman's face. Her cheeks, nose, eyebrows, lips, and eyes. She's ever so unique. I start to wonder; if she was mine's, if I stood a chance, what I've done to hold a woman as fair as her? I relax, feel my heart beat quicken, think, and write down all I felt. If ever a man left her searching for love of another, I want to be there at her side. If you could fall in love with me again Lochan, I'd give it my all. As I value you more than I feel in myself. Lately I've been in the lowest of spirits and uncertainty. Blue eyes,if you could me love at my darkest, you'll have my heart.

In that time

Hands that can be torn apart

by the jealousy of another.

The memories that dim never fade.

A hope that keeps the heart alive.

As I constant the usual places

we were I thought of her tenderly.

Days shall past and I think of

when you stood before me.

Months climb upon another

so I wonder where you are.

Years idly turn and I wonder who you are.

If she still remembers me.

Does she remember my body, my love?

Such soft lips imprinted on my heart.

She doesn't know I love her still.

I wonder if I can love another.