Quotes I greatly admire

"Just like there's a right place for everything around me, there must be the right place for me somewhere in this world. Right, somewhere in this world. That's what I believe"

(Right Place, Sekine Kosai).

Mary and Modred

into the ridge wood,

red white and gold,

we're just anointed,

we're just a haunted,

sighing sighing star,

miath marka riha?,

until evergreen.

(Green Bird, Cowboy Bebop)

"A boy has the right to dream.

Endless possibilities stretch out before him.

What awaits him down the path he will choose?

The boy doesn't know.

Before he knows it, the boy has become an adult...

...and he learns what he was able to make of himself.

Joy and sadness accompany this.

When this happens, does he bid his past farewell in his heart?

Once a boy becomes an adult, he cannot go back to being a boy.

The boy is now a man.

Only one thing can be said:

A boy has the right to dream.

Endless possibilities stretch out before him.

All men were once boys."

(Outlaw Star)

"THE ADVENTURE NEVER ENDS_

WE'LL SET OFF ON A JOURNEY

SOMETIME SOMEWHERE

TO THE STARS AGAIN.

AND THE NEW ADVENTURES WILL BEGIN"

(Outlaw Star)

"THAT WHICH WAS LOST IN EXCHANGE FOR KNOWLEDGE. THAT WHICH IS MOST IMPORTANT TO US, AND YET THAT WE CAN NEVER GRASP WHILE WE WALK AMONG THE LIVING. WE CANNOT GRASP IT. AND YET,AND YET, DO YOU STILL TELL US THAT WE MUST STRIVE TO REACH IT?! OH FATHER OF HEAVEN"

(VINLAND SAGA)

"Always searching for something

Always wishing for something

Let me go further into the depths

Let me feel the meaning more

Let me be nothing

Let me be the universe

Breaking everything

Having everything

I lay down everything for you and this love"

(LOOPER, LUNA SEA)

"If there’s something you can do, you do it. That’s how you embrace your destiny"

Straight Cougar (S-CRY-ed)

"I too am alone. It's sad being alone. It's painful. I felt that way too. But if we're together, at times we may hurt each other, and we may even part. But, that is not the end. I'll always be with you."

Hitomi Kanzaki (Vision of Escaflowne)

"

They say there is no such place as Paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the Earth, there's nothing at all. No matter how far you walk, it's just the same road, it just goes on and on. But in spite of that...Why am I so driven to find it?."

Kiba (Wolf's Rain)

more to come....

Boku Kaishuu 3(Wandering Perception)

"From Reality to Fiction"

I’m unsure of how to tell her...how to remind her that it wasn’t a legend but that it existed for us both. Sitting here wondering of where, how, and why for the long years and events in which we existed and your sudden absence I don’t understand it all even now. We were together once before and yet for that bond to be gone with just one problem there had to be something deeper. Nothing is soothing away the pain of my desire to be by your side once more. The bottle of endless emotions is surely being stirred, dripping out and I no longer have the courage to carry such a proud face. Music is helping, though the sound waves ease my heart they can’t possibly reverse time to stop what broke us apart from occurring. Her existence shielded me from the world, among all my failed dreams and loves I was certain she was the answer to all my pain. Her love was a system of needles dosing me with stimulants through each vein to my organs. I find myself calling her phone over and over again leaving messages that were never listened to only add up and later deleted. The memories of love replay as a romantic movie in my mind slipping out as tears and mixing with snout running from my nose. Leaving a crude taste it reminded me of a song of how I’m nothing, my love was gone forever, and memories shut away never to remember. As if pain left it turned to joy as I repeated these words. My future looked lonely and I will experience symptoms of an anxiety disorder. From my science lab, I fetch my grande elixir and virtual reality helmet. I fear this world and all that’s become of me. Everything I’ve touched becomes brittle and takes away from me the happiness I long for. In this chair I drink my elixir and put on my helmet, I don’t care anymore of this world. If fabricated happiness can exist as an illusion then surely I’ll abandon this decaying body as well.

"Cabinet File Reality"

In this perfect world, I’m what you could say a leaf in pile, a blade of grass on a plain, a grain of sand on a beach. Nothing special about me or the people around sticking to a constant code for greatness efficiency and production. This life is a wasted breath. My emotions only exhibit professional gestures and behavior. My dreams are manufactured and designed to suppress anger and other bad emotions. My lifestyle has already been determined for me as a career I’m a scientist. Instructed with teaching programmed youth into future successful people. I found the courage to write you this pen pal to warn you never allow your world and life to become like mines. Talking bad about our government and way of life is forbidden and punishable by death. Once I was like you, full of true emotions, living on dreams, and falling in love, but it all ended with the theory of forever ending war. The law passed and the chemical gas was spread airborne across the world. For years the disputes of the war rapidly ended and world peace was no longer a wasted wish. The chemical spread through family blood lines for many generations and soon marriages, engagements, and relationships drastically reduced. The once human overpopulated world of trillions was fading into thousands and decreasing. So both egg and sperm combined in science labs to breed humans. Their entire structure was manipulated to fit certain features and cellular levels immune to viruses. Soon the uprisings of clones appeared outnumbering original humans 100 to 1.no matter how beautiful this world has become, I myself have become an endangered species overrun by irregular perfection of scientific technology. With emotional conviction the idea of this world existing was made. But at the cost of killing that exact passion makes this peace meaningless. I was the designer of the chemical potion that made the world this way. Its my greatest achievement and biggest regret. Living in this mundane world, everything feels plastic as its covered with metal lacking a soul. Uninteresting and fake its something pen pal I don’t want you to go through. Its too late now for this world so with this electronic transfer I’ve written the counter-formula to the chemical. I will continue on in this world facing the consequences of my actions, hopefully what happened here wont happen again.

Koinzell Ascherit

"Nocturne in Moonlight"

If I woke up from this it all will be forgotten, and this place just a lost memory. Among this iceberg I’m only cracking the bits of its surface. Unable to go any deeper it seems futile. The path to finding these answers and arriving at dead end mazes without cease. My heart may return or be recreated or live its life out in my jar inside a refrigerator. The crippling feelings overrun the boundaries spilling and sometimes its struck by forces i cant control. Pouring down rain and stuffed into my precious cup. Cracks burst all over and empty out for all to see yet never help and fooled by an illusion of sanity. The warped dreams morph the mind twisting, squishing it dry of blood. The chest is a storage room for regrets and hate gained over time. The music box is stressed and filled with an incomplete collection. This world is bright as it serves me sarcasm and gives melancholy. I’m changing and this song becomes my best friend, withdrawn from me precious things and i start killing my senses 1 by 1.this room becomes my barrier. With a deceptive love, this world force-feeds me candies to fill and quiet my constant babbling. There unsatisfying taste and has a repulsive side effects. I don’t want to be spoiled with useless words or action. If the interior is distorted and is not operated on, then how will dressing a corpse bring back its soul? How much longer must i play the doctor performing emergency operations? The more i experiment with cures and antidotes i feel there must be answer to this problem, even though it continues on like long division leaving a new part needed to be solved. As the sun and moon take turns spinning around me, I wonder how much more will i be troubled by life if i leave this room?

The past is being washed away, pieces of me with it

"Boku wa"

Through a door pass the relics on the shelves and approach a table. A meeting void of various ways to say goodbye, your not evanescent like a leaf in autumn. If you ever should depart, write your name under a picture you draw. A memory you drew and a name to call it. Silhouettes that sit after removing skin like clothes, leaving imprints in the cushion of a chair. Seated around figures of intimate lovers. How happy I would be with my love in a wax statue. breathing slowly with hearts never to part it could be true love. I feel sad but today holds meaning if I can hold onto hope. Saying words to move your heart like a ship on the sea. Pulling words together to form psychological meaning. Moving within premonitions and hypothesis I know something exists between us more than air and space. I live in an abstract world outside your glass windows. The wall erodes in bits and a key is turning inside the door. A turtle teaches me patience. An owl preaches knowledge and a silent tongue. A prayer for it to fit together and float in my hands. I've changed but I want to be remembered always as who you first met and knew. Its just that before changing was an option, yet adaptability became mandatory as age brought responsibilities. Somehow I have to live this dream. I'm jealous when I see my instructors speaking so fluently of their academic knowledge. I want to experience the same satisfaction and joy. There’s a soft boom boom sound inside my chest. I think its some kind of Morse code. I wrote of a person I want to be, and sometimes a life that should never exist. The neuron camera in my limbic system written on electric paper. My existence becomes a Playing Photo.

"Dispositional Attribution"

I can't put the words together so if it doesn't make sense just act as if it you're going along with it. Beating around the bush a game we all can do. The litter box smells of dry urine as I stretch out on the floor. The air freshener can not fall here. How does your perception see me? No not today I don't wanna hear of any heroes or martial artists. Your displeased attitude won't make me feel bad. Grant me peace and let me walk astray. A cat who sometimes forgets he has a home except when its time to eat. I made a mess, he slaps my paws, afterwards I feel disgraced. I watched the history channel and learned my lesson yet, this cycle continues. In an orb placed in his hand does he know what face I'm making? Spin round, round, round, round, round now look through this slide projector. Is it what my eyes love to see? I don't believe it is.

"Displacement"

His words spoken in a musical note, a lead and bass of a pulled string and drum beating like a heart. We write differently yet perceive it similarly. Tales of his life as he speaks I think of him as my mentor. They are satisfying morsels. It's fun to be there. It's only for me, the stage is filled equipment. I'm here preparing for the destined night the world would never notice. Spinning like a beyblade ripping the wind through my clothes as if it was paper. Press forth there’s something here I must have. Stretch on in the middle of this there is peace. Today what will I need to hear most? Repeating words like a spell I want to be were they are. I would like to visit Jupiter so free and limitless. It would all come together like scattered Lego pieces. The image is like this right here but what I put my hands to comes out differently. Yearning, frustration, optimistic, happiness such feelings are common household items. Do you ever feel like you say crazy more than spoon? If someone was above me I would ask them to take pictures of me swaying in and out of the tree's shade. I scream loudly like I'm a lost child, I would like to sing as good as he. I give my adrenaline, stressed muscles, and deflated lungs I want to give my best. All this energy and conviction its burning me. I want to get rid of it all and hear my inner voice say "thanks for your hard work today was productive". The concert played on like an oasis stranded in my front lawn. Evaporating as it simmered in a dying sun nothing reaches my hand. It stood still transparent there stretching its hand to me, as my voice grew smaller. A fantasy I created to escape myself today. There's a day like this every so often and I'm mistakenly becoming ignorant of something important. Or rather something that’s losing its use and adjusting to an undesirable lifestyle. Tonight I should pray for a better future if not I could lose everything.

"I heard an Airplane flying"

I sleep on the same bed as my friend. At the foot I sleep facing the edge, while he sleeps at the head. It is our world. My cat rests in a hole, he comes out for food and water then returns. Rarely outside in summer, I think he wants to be a turtle. A church built of limestone in a Romanesque structure smells of ivory. An agnostic sinned in a Christian bath. Women become passive when men deliver white roses to their front doors. People line up at wishing ponds with their quarters. The bank sends a debt collector at night to the ponds to gather it all. To me history is written by the observers, victorious, and story tellers, and a museum is a large textbook with interactive features. If you walk slowly to a set destination you will find creative words to say. I said once to my friend "I should abandon my temporary life here and move west. I’ve become disenchanted lying in this position. Because things have shifted the empty space is filled with desire. I heard rumors of men dancing on the lakes with their lady friends in ruby glass shoes. Oh I want a pair, I'll keep'em clean and shiny. We should go together and leave this place. I'd find a woman named Julia or something like that and when we get married you will be the best man." Jokingly he replied, "so is Julia the girl you talk about when your sleeping, you think she lives in the west? Maybe tomorrow we can start packing up. A handful of quarters won't get you a hundred dollars, but lets see how far it can stretch." As the day flows on mermaids fish for lost sailors drifting from sunken ships. A seductive fragrance at first glance means the end of his days. If she smells of lavender she could be his lover. So we save up money and take a plane to cross the wide distance we couldn't walk. The workers are building a bridge to connect the islands. Before we land I wanna say "can you see me all the way up here?" I feel like I've done something important. In the air everything looks smaller and wider, on the ground the scenery is drenched with colors. I could trying living here, slowly integrating because I making a good change.

Oh! Morgenstern, Bring forth a blessing

"Halftime"

I feel myself here, my doppelganger is filming me. Through its eyes I see myself on the bus home. I look deep in thought and yearning for more hours of today. I must have been happy earlier. Standing so close our thoughts are synced. I cannot feel happy when you are near I feel conceited and overwhelmed I wish I was someone else. Like him over there, not his life but his bliss makes me jealous. That girl I may never see her but I was awake to give my silent farewell, conscious enough to hope I'm stronger next time. My looks and glances were just a childish game of peek-a-boo. I couldn't find your smile so I was lead down an alley with stray cats. It's like this now, that one time, and sometime last year. Robert told me it was a failed attempt at passion. The kind I mentally feel myself fall on my face yet physically I'm standing up. I was hallucinating. Its never silent even when we don't speak and now they're not here. This place is filled with echoes without objects to cause them. For a few minutes there’s cursing over here, something is breaking over there. This place looked different even though I see it continuously it looks wider. I would dodge chairs and zig zag through like they were an obstacle course. I could stretch out my arms but there’s nothing to grab. Images escaping from my mind to fill the empty room and sounds I thought I forgot. No more loud noise to drown out my thoughts now I feel like a speaker. Take me home in your car I'm scared of waiting on the bus stop alone. It's my home away from home where my animus sits on a rail pointing over the hill. If I stay here and daydream, I might make an imaginary friend to comfort me. Yet I would ask "friend are you breathing I can not feel a heartbeat, are you cold blooded I'm getting no warmth from your hands". I often thought it would be cool to but I cannot sing without you. The sun couldn't shine brightly if Mercury wasn't there beside it. Searching for warmth that is not rationed, a hope in a constant state I believe we can experience that again. With you it reminds me of when I could love myself for who I was. All of us together were an immense sun. Like precious jewels I'm not the only one who treasures these memories. I want to see you all again into old days I hope we walk together. The end signifies something shall begin shortly. The bus ride home was an intermission.

"Re-edit"

I wish to rewrite the memory of my former love in a way that's not so usual. At first I had nothing but hate for her. The repeating cycle of infatuation - obsession - devoted emotions - trial - separation - hate come in different ways vary in duration. Though life and time has occupied me so much I've forgotten how to feel such a way. With just a few taps on a keyboard and clicks I see how much you've changed. She's just as beautiful in these pictures as she in my eyes. What have you done over the years? How are you? It's been so long since I've seen you!! Questions that sound like its a high school reunion. I remember how we looked then and compare it to our present appearances. She's grown up maturely with a body that shows me that puberty has done its job well. Even so i use to hug her closely and call her baby. If I look behind me I see a crying puppet held by faulty strings. Now I'm a scientist who makes homunculus in Florence, Italy. If I ever contact her I would tell her a story stuffed with lies. I would recreate us because if I talk to her now she'll recognize me. Reworked and fabricated, human love could exist for us once again. It would start like:

The refreshing feeling of a person who reached out to me in my lowest form. A passing traveler, the sun radiantly shined with her smile and words. She was the force pushing me in a wheelchair as we cross a thousand pebbles. Into "if this moment could last forever" bliss. I too want walk strongly like you do so easily. For each word that falls short of this emotion, I want to show you even more. Like If I could be the arms that push while she sits in this mobile chair. "Years since that time the two meet, the passing traveler had disappeared". I stand on two feet quivering at the sight of an expanding path ahead. Inside of western winds I swear I felt her presence. A scent transparent yet unmoving like she's floating in the air. The moment end to quickly for a delightful ending. Like speeding cars, time was rushing forward, and inside one of those cars was you. All the dust around me made my eyes watery. After a while I appeared as someone who I never thought I'd be. He saw sadness as attractive, loneliness a melody, and abnormal as everyday. I laughed at how much your face hasn't changed. This is the reality we touch, the steps we walked away from each other.

If we could be remembered like this we would be nothing short of a classic. I thank you for the kindness.

"Penumbra"

I'd love to see you when your shadows not cast upon the ground. When I can see you clearly without dark adaptation. The sky is partially eclipsed into an impure mixture of black and white. The handsome sight of gray shown by penumbra. Consuming my room like paint that’s splattered on the walls, running down and over. The appliances that shed their respective shadows lose their importance as the light goes out. The towels with winter linen folded near my bed form a fat face with a sagging expression and big lips. I pout and roll over to snuggle a little deeper into the covers. The clock looks as if its being pushed further away. Moving my toes closer to me and readjusting my pillows, a freezing night will bring nightmares. Dry ice spreading across the floor and walls erasing the moments of life I just lived. I wonder what will happen to my posters and belongings if they disappear forever? An impromptu script has been prepared for me. It is already into the mid AM hours and I cannot believe the fantasies. Someone lied to me about the light of dawn being a sign of hope, I point outside my window at a figure hanging from the tree. Of what I remember the previous day felt shallow. It didn't seem as though I left this place at all. They would think of new words to slander me and put me on display as I'm disgraced. Even though our words sound the same I can not understand you. My place if anywhere is not here. The square formation of stone walls in which I sleep is my true home. A conscious that thrives in solitude, no one else shall enter. On a day which it neither rains or shines, penumbra is delicate. I'll yell out the window for you. I will leave my room and wander the streets to return nevermore.

The Evening closes Quietly

So you don't hear me whine I'll only write about common vague or spoken conversation. Don't worry so much about me, I don't think of myself so highly. I felt distraught and regret about it all. I don't understand how, I wanted to learn and move forward. It all sounds vague right? Just enough to let a topic be known yet never the full details. I keep you out while flashing problems around fast enough you can't see what's wrong with me. So many things I'm thinking about now after my 21st birthday. Maybe its too much, I'm not sure if I hold myself back from something I put my mind to will I regret it later or be in pain more than before if remembered? I feel that I want "this" but I hold myself back. When I think of will I be able to handle to do this? Am I worthy of such? Is there really an opportunity? Should I try explaining myself to her? To come clean I made a fool of myself there could this be a chance for redemption? Perhaps...I'm only thinking of me too much. Somewhere living, having problems one and the same, differences in place and time. I thought of you so I wanted you to know this and if you were fine, I enjoyed knowing the beauty of life through your eyes. So that I'm not a burden casting my doubts on you and never brag about how I am. Pushing for a next time, I wanna be strong enough, be confident so that I'll try without regret. Chances are present each moment, opportunities arise tomorrow, thoughts will fade. I will do my best to remain as the person you knew. So much is changing nowadays its easy to be subdued by it all. Dear friend, you and I are somewhere chasing our dreams, searching for something to call our own. Whimsically I hope my words reach you.