A Doll who knows My secrets

"A Doll who knows My secrets"

Dear Diary,

I'm able to write something today. Without rushing to write down as many words as possible before a song ends. Yes! the words were meaningful and meant so many things that I related them to. I'm working on my self-esteem and proper study skills. I'm still dating Seul in an open relationship of taciturn affection. In a cycle that forms a triangle with three points. I search for another ignoring Seul's cries for attention, only to return if the person does not fullfil me. My Seul, she does not complete me but I cannot live with or without her. I can only offer human love to her because the "love" my parents speak of is too far beyond my reach. You know, the captivating scenery when looking out in the distance. The feeling burns strong and wide. I place my hope inside of its vast range. I wasted my time at the mall today bored from all the people constantly staring at me like I'm a poster. I followed two girls into a womans clothing store and browsed among the salesroom floor. I thought I would see some clothes to add to my own closet but I found a mannequin looking spectacular with a dull expression. I approached in a way not to cause a disturbance to others and stood two steps away. If boredom is a sin befitting me can I ask you to join me? You who does not hear, eyes that cannot see I need your time so that I can tell you my secrets. You shall be called Chane for now because the title "mannequin" doesn't match your elegance in that dress. With a heart that doesn't love and never hurt Chane is unique. You've never been entangled by fancy words to find your reasons for loving false. I've repeated without rest to heal when my heart is hurting. Which partner will come next and how much I cry when she exits? Plucking flower petals to get an answer as I second guess her company in our human love agreement. I called it "human love" Chane because humans are flawed, at times violent, and, foolish but "love" is not. We become blinded and lose focus of our commitment in times of adversity and difference. If it ends after infatuation stops pumping hormones it was temporary bliss. If they found something slighty deeper but their obsession with each others bodies outweighs the heart then its cohabitation. If their commitment encases the feelings of the vast horizonthen they have true love. Youre spared from this relentless task of finding happiness and dodging anguish Chane. I'm tempted by your beauty Chane to try saying cheap pick up lines but your continous silence is enough for me to feel rejected. A pretty doll with only skin deep features is enough to defeat my 2-D girl obsession. Loveless creature where were you prom night I felt myself sinking with the tide. Speaking of which, Chane before the end of our talk you will know who is single, unrequited, and lovey dovey. From having previous jobs here, leisure with friends, or escaping boredom I've gained experience on this subject. Chane I bet you've seen many people of the like looking upon them apathetically. The single people who enter the store walking around racks of clothes. "The deal is tempting and I would like it but I want to see if there are better offers. It's satisfactory by look and design, but I will not buy today someday soon" they say before leaving. The lovely dovey couple is so dramatic. Either returning to the place of their first encounter or just leisure time, the cupid atmosphere is unmistakable. Spending money he keeps his woman in flawless beauty and wardrobe seasons before the newest trend. No wonder his peers don't look at women in magazines when shes around, trying to compare them to her is foolish. With extraordinary strenght and fighting ability, potential threats better stay out of his sensory range. The ferocity of a lion going for the kill is kept in the black dots of his eyes, if provoked flows into his hands. When they hug he looks like a diamond snuggled in her arms. Him and I should never meet. Its as if he was insulting me with his fancy words and proper etiquette. Remember Chane to have sympathy for the unrequited. A burning desire like an internal instinct that occurs when the risk of becoming desensitized to love is high, they search for a companion. They explore the mall to find the person who is their destined lover. I spoke with an unrequited person before. He was very solitary yet determined. He said "Hello, sorry to disturb you but have you seen my chosen one?" Who might she be I asked, is lost in the mall somewhere? "No I'm just looking fro someone to love. I feel in my heart she is close but faraway as well. Almost like a sixth sense in which a faint wavelength is found. It may sound crazy but to me it means alot." I said, oneday the dust will form a body of calcium bones and silk for skin. Inside implant the organs crafted from your emotions that shine in neon colors. Give it luscious hair; radar as a heart; add a lisp to the lips, and a nametag on the wrist. When it is time she will find you and know her rightful place is by your side. Surely its possible with your enduring heart that yearns for a just cause. Perhaps I've learned something from all this. Chane will never love me but Seul does the best she can. Chane has never loved anyone but you keep my secrets and for that you are special. So I hugged Chane and said my goodbye. As I walked outside pass the womans store the beautiful doll lost its special name and into a mannequin it reverted. I met up later that day with Seul and talked deeply about our relationship. I also told her how I met someone named Chane and how the talk was very enlightening for me. She was very beautiful yet mysterious but I couldn't recall much else. A mixture of solitude and emptiness behind a mask. I never do want to live that way. Dressed in clothes a lifeless doll.